- Jumped from a plane.
- Held our 3 year old guinea pig.
- Traveled to Europe or anywhere outside North America.
- Eaten an anchovy.
- Let anyone I know read my work.
What do all these things have in common? Fear.
I hate heights and the thought of purposely throwing myself out into the sky, makes me sweaty and woozy.
I think our guinea pig is adorable but I’m afraid he’ll poop and/or pee on me if I hold him.
I’m terrified to fly over the entire width of the Atlantic.
I’m pretty sure I would barf if I put that little fish in my mouth and vomiting is another one of my fears.
I’m so afraid that someone will tell me I’m barking up the wrong tree with this whole “writing as a career” thing.
There are a million other things I’m afraid of like tsunamis and space travel. Drowning and choking to death. Wool sweaters.
But the fear of someone stomping out this tiny little flame beneath me, is the scariest of all. It took me a long time to clear out a spot that was all mine. A place where I could really be me. I don’t have to pretend to like what everyone else likes. I don’t have to act or look a certain way.
I’m clumsy and awkward in person. I’m easily over stimulated and usually itchy with irritation. Sitting here in my sunny little spot, spewing my swirling thoughts across the keyboard, is the closest I’ve come to living my best life. And I really hate that phrase but I can’t think of any other way to say it.
So, never have I ever been so honest. Behind a screen. Slightly anonymous. Still nervous and scared but…..it’s something.
Best wishes to everyone out there taking a leap. If it’s out of a plane, Godspeed my friend.
Go live your freaking dream!